Count your blessings

Since we are now playing the waiting game and therefore don't have a lot of things to update everyone on, I have decided to start writing more about my feelings. I am an emotional writer so I know some people might have noticed certain feelings on some of my previous posts however, I have tried avoiding talking about feelings all together and have mostly focused on just explaining the details of my journey. When I first started this blog I intended to use it as a way of personal therapy and to keep close friends and family updated, but during this time many other people facing infertility have asked to join my blog (most people I have never talked to before). I have come to realize that the only reason I am able to stay strong is because of the support I receive from so many people. The simple comments left by friends and strangers helps me realize that even though I feel like I am alone, I am not. I look forward to comments now. They are my daily pick-me-up. Thank you!

Over the past few months, I have realized that although not being able to have a child of my own is very upsetting, I have been blessed in the fact that I have not had to deal with the loss of a child. A couple times a week I have to drive past the Valley Children's Hospital and once I had to go in to see a friend's sick newborn. Each time I realize how sheltered my life has been. At this point in my life I have not experienced this heartache and misery. There are days that I think my life is horrible and then I am quickly humbled by the thought that there is someone worse off than me.

I have been following a blog for a couple of weeks about a young couple pregnant with their first child. Shortly before learning the sex of the child, the doctors discovered that the baby had a disorder called Trisomy 18. This is a disorder where basically every cell in your body has 3 chromosomes instead of 2. The body is too confused to grow properly. About 95% of these children die in utero. Those that are fortunate enough to survive long enough to be born die within minutes of birth. This couple carried their son to full term and delivered him today via c-section. They were able to hold him for 16 minutes before he returned to Heaven.

I could never imagine going through this. The day you give birth to your child should be the most joyous day of your life, but instead this couple had to celebrate life and death. As selfish as this may sound, I am very thankful for the trial of infertility and not this. Sunday night James and I took a walk. I told him about this couple and how sad my heart was for them. He told me if we ever had to deal with this, he would have a room at the psych ward ready for me after the child passed away. I know we are only given what God knows we can handle. Because of that I am very thankful that God knows me personally!!

(If you would like to read about this couple, you can read their blog at http://sgirl79.blogspot.com )